MandyMay's Rants. . .

Alright chick-a-dees, this is where I rant.  You know. . .complain about stupid, pointless stuff that annoys me.  It's fun, not to mention, it relieves stress.  Just like, I read that it is good to say, "fuck," because it, like ranting, also relieves stress.  No, this is true.  Where did I read this?  Hmm. . .alright, you talked it out of me, I read it in the Enquierer!  That might make the information seem a bit less accurate to some of you, but oh well.  Seriously, think about it; you just feel dirty when you say fuck, or I do anyway, which in turn makes you feel cool; it's cool to be bad.  This then helps you to forget what was stressing you out in the first place, so it kinda helps?  *shrugs shoulders*

Now I have gotten off topic.  If you can't tell, I tend to ramble.  So when I start to ramble, just skip to the interesting stuff. . .like my rants.

Rant #1
Now, I have just been informed, that when you go to a Goo Goo Dolls concert, there is nothing there but a bunch of screaming girls.  To a few, this might be a good thing if you are there to scope out some chicks while listening to some kick ass music.  Cool.  Some however, say this in a negative way meaning that the Goo Goo Dolls are nothing but a chick band.  Well, can all us girls help it that we not only like the Goo Goo Dolls and like to scream, but that we came from the womb with a female reproductive system?  My bad.  Remind me the next time my DNA is mapping out my genetic code to ask, if it is at all possible, "Could I be a boy?"  Puh-lease!  First of all, there were plenty of guys at the concerts I went to, which might I remind you are the ones that say there is nothing but girls screaming there.  
Before you think I am picking on all the guys out there, put your flames back in your pockets because chicks can be just as bad.  They complain just as much as the guys do.  What I don't understand is, did they really expect to go to a concert and see people sitting politely in their chairs, hands clasped in their laps and after each song give out the finger clap?  What would be the point of going if you're not going to get crazy?
So, here is my proposal.  Next time you go to a Goo concert and there is someone standing next to you complaining about all the screaming, tell them to, as John would say, "Fuck off."  
Well, maybe not.  I mean, if they are bigger than you and could probably kick your ass out in the parking lot after the show, maybe you could let it "Slide," that one time.  

Rant #2  Totally not Goo but read anyway;
Ok, now MandyMay has a day job ya know.  She doesn't just sit around at home all day piddling around on the computer trying to make this here webpage look all cool and stuff.  Key word in that sentence, try.  That's only on her days off.  
On the days when I'm working. . . first of all, I work at Dollar General.  That's right, "America's Most Unusual Store," as our motto says.  The pay sucks, but it has been paying my school for almost two years and 3 Goo Goo Dolls shows, so I can't complain.  

So, when I'm working, I get stressed out.  Like when people pick things up then put it back in the wrong place.  Or they bring it up to the register, decide they don't want it, and instead of handing it to you to put away, throw it on a counter somewhere.  Keep in mind, that MandyMay has to pick all that stuff up at the end of the day.  Now, I know things are going to get messy, it is a store after all, but today, it was just to the extreme.  And unfortunately, no matter how much it might relieve stress, I don't think it would be very professional of me to go around saying, "Fuck!" all day.
Also, you know all those times you were shopping and an employee kept following you around?  It wasn't because they thought you were shoplifting, or they were stalking you, or just because you looked really good in those new pants of yours; it's because they were picking up after you!  *grin*
Now, here's a way you can make a person's life easier.  The next time you go into the Dollar Store and decide not to buy that dollar Mocha Love My Lips lipstick, which is a bad shade anyway, put it back where you got it. . .please?  Just remember, it might be your humble webmistress that has to pick it up.  And if you happen to see me in there, and I say, "Hi," to you when you walk in the door, say, "Hi," back.  This way I don't feel like your cashier slave.  :)

Rant #3
It has been said, by few, that by some sort of technical glitch yet to be identified, the Goo Goo Dolls are a "boy band."  I hardly think by a long shot that Goo is  a boy band, so let me begin to clarify this point.
1.)  The Goo Goo Dolls write their own lyrics and music.
2.)  They play their own music, instruments, and need no back-up singers.
3.)  They are a MAN!BAND!!!
That's right people, a MAN!BAND-BANd-BAnd-Band-band. . . .(that was an echo for those of you who are confused).  Goo is no N*SYNC.  Let's take a moment and examine the difference between a Boy Band,  ie. N*SYNC and a MAN!BAND-BANd-BAnd-Band-band, ie. the Goo Goo Dolls.
N*SYNC doesn't play their own instruments, doesn't write their own songs, with the  exception of "Girlfriend" and they are more likely to injure themselves in their own equipment.  A prime example of injury, not by musical equipment, but the culprit:  a trap door.  That's right goobers, Joey Fatone, in all his Boy Band splendor, wasn't even capable of avoiding their own trap door.  The headline reads:  "Idiot Mangles Self in Boy Band Video Shoot."
A MAN!BAND headline would read:  "MAN!BAND Member Drunkenly Injures Self in Freak Chicken Wing Accident."
Are you beginning to see the difference?  Perhaps another example.
While this event has yet to take place, in all likely hood, all calculations point to Lance Bass for the next freak accident victim.  At this very moment, the blonde haired Boy Band beauty is probably tangling himself in his own mic cord while daydreaming about being an astronaut.  Headline reads:  "Boy Band Member Wannabe Astronaut Nearly Chokes Self in Mic Cord."
A MAN!BAND's, like Orgy, at my sister's insistence (tiff, mandymays' resident webpage slave, says:  phear them!  i command thee!), headline would read: "MAN!BAND Giant Nearly Strangles Self in Freak Mic Cord Dance, But Looks Cool Doing It."  That would be Jay Gordon for those who don't know the band Orgy.
Now that the difference is hopefully cleared up, I would like to close this rant with. . .

Side note:  Here is a picture of one of the "next freak accident" boy band members with our rock trio.  Hmm. . .the only reason he is even posing for that picture is to thank our heroes for untangling him.  :)

**This rant was all in good fun, so all you N*SYNC lovers out there no harm intended. . .I actually kinda like that one song where they are in the looney bin. . .

Rant #4  Goo's USAToday rant
Disclaimer:  Most of the opinions expressed in this rant are all property of the Goo Goo Dolls and these are not their exact quotes, just what I remember of it.  I am merely passing this information on to the fans out there, who like me, happen to agree with them.

At the concert in Memphis, Rzeznik read an article from the USAToday newspaper, said article entitled, "When I was younger, so much younger than today," by, the man on trial here, Craig Wilson.  Rzeznik went on to read from said article's opening paragraph and indicated that this was a man who wore adult diapers; which I found very amusing, as did the rest of the crowd.  Next, he read, "David Bowie was on last Friday. I felt good about that. Not only did I know who he was, I can even remember some of his songs, the various reincarnations he's been through and the cast of characters he's been involved with over the years. There's a certain comfort level there. I felt as if I was seeing an old friend again. That's why Elizabeth Taylor is so reassuring. I feel as if I've been to all her weddings."

This is where Robby said, "Now this is a woman who hangs out with Micheal Jackson!"

Then he read, "The Friday before, however, a group called the Goo Goo Dolls performed. There was nothing at all comforting about them. I'd never heard of them or any song they ever sang, and nothing about them looked even vaguely familiar -- other than the unwashed hair and tattoos, which are trademarks of most bands these days."

Rzeznik said, "Yeah, and I'd like to kick his wheel chair out from underneath of him!  That is joke of course."

Now, about the "unwashed hair and tattoos" thing, not a cool thing to say my friend.  You see, my friend Elmo, I mean, er, Sir, has connections if you know what I mean.  He has connections with connections.  One phone call is all that is required.  *evil grin*  Also, that is a stereotype, a big one.  I thought  journalists were not supposed to express their opinion and be unbiased.  (If this was in the opinion section, I apologize in advance.)  Not all bands have tattoos, Goo just happens to a few skillfully crafted ones.  And the unwashed hair?  He's just jealous because they have hair.  :)

Next, "I was the fool, of course. A crowd of screaming young girls was surging outside the studio windows, some holding up signs that read 'We skipped school to see the Goo Goo Dolls!'"

You want to know what I have to say about screaming girls?  Read rant #1.  I think Mr. Wilson should read it, too.

The last part Rzeznik read from said article, "Skipping school to see the Rolling Stones, I understand. Skipping school to see the Goo Goo Dolls seems like a waste of a good day off. But what do I know? I'm showing my age again."

Then Rzeznik said, "Now we toured with the Rolling Stones, they're cool, but skipping school to see them?  That was like thirty fucking years ago!"

And that was basically the end of their rant.  They said something like, "Thanks for being fans and coming to see us and this song is dedicated to all of you!" and they sang "Name."  The end. . .

8/6/02 . . .Or is it.  It seems that Mr. Craig Wilson has redeemed himself and for that, I am a happy MandyMay.  :)  Read his follow up article, "I do not know what I do not know, you know."  Goo-d job Mr. Wilson, you make me proud.  *tear*

Rant #5
As taken from the Online Merriam-Webster dictionary:

Crazy (adj.):  distracted with desire or excitement, absurdly fond
Related words:  mad, insane, obsessed (in the bad way), infatuated
Stalk (v.):  to pursue quarry or prey stealthily, to go through (an area) in search of prey or
ie. stalker (n.)

As taken from the bio page:

Goo Goo Dolls (n.):  John Rzeznik, Robby Takac, Mike Malinin; a kick ass MAN!BAND!!
Ok, the names came from the bio page, I added the rest.

Now, what happens when you put these words together?  Crazy Goo Goo Dolls stalker.  

Crazy Goo Goo Dolls stalker (n.):  one distracted with desire or excitement/absurdly fond of John Rzeznik, Robby Takac, and Mike Malinin; the Goo Goo Dolls; to the point of going through an area in the pursuit of one or all of the MAN!BAND members

That's right chick-a-dees!  Don't be a stalker, stalking is bad mmmkay.  Rzeznik may have said, "You know you've made it when you have your own private stalker!"   But I don't think he meant it literally.  There is a difference between wanting to meet them and stalking them.  Albeit a fine line, but drag out that handy magnifying glass and you'll see it.  For example, if they are out and about on the town, it's cool to be like, "Hi, what's up?"  Not cool to follow them around and be peaking at them from behind corners.  That's when they might get a little freaked out and be like, "Jason, there's another one of them crazy stalkers!  Get another one of them crazy stalker buckets!"  Oh, yeah.  The crazy stalker bucket.  

Scenario:  Goo is walking along minding their own business when they notice a mysterious "door lingering psycho" following them. . .all day.  Finally, enough is enough.
Goo:  Jason!
Jason magically appears from out of no where, which he has a real knack for doing.
Jason:  Yes?
Goo:  We need one of them crazy stalker buckets!
Jason trots off and returns with a metal bucket in hand, promptly grabs the stalker and stuffs them in the bucket.
Jason:  That'll teach you.  (rubs hands together satisfied with his handy work)
Goo returns to their leisure stroll when suddenly --
Goo:  Jason!  They're still stalking us!  Go kick the bucket!
Jason quickly runs off, kicks the bucket and returns.
Goo:  Good job Jason!  Aww, just for the hell of it, go kick it again!
And he does.

Naw, but being serious now.  Show them a bit of respect when they are out and about cuz they respect their fans and we don't wanna lose that.  Plus, who'd want to be put in a bucket?  Am I right?!

Rant #2. . .continued  not Goo related, but might prove to be an interesting read.
Ok, so, I'm at the 'ol DG, yet again and I'm cleaning up the store, my favorite part of the job.  Note that last statement was dripping in sarcasm, when I come across an interesting find.  Safely hidden, or so thought, underneath a couple pairs of jeans is an empty white box.  What did this empty box once contain you ask?  Well, how about some medicated douche!  That's right people, medicated douche.  Now, what makes this scenario even worse, was it was not only the Dollar General brand of medicated douche (they couldn't spring for the Massengil), but they seemed to have left an important part of the product behind. . .the medication!  I GRRRR!!! unto them.  So, I say this now; stealing is bad.  People who steal are dumbasses.  Now, let us put these two simple sentences together and make a short complex one:  Dumbasses steal bad.  That's right, some people are just not smart enough to steal and this example just proves my point.  I bet they were sad when they got home and realized they may now have that spring fresh feeling, but the itching is still there.  

more time?  keep lookin'.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried